Meditation in vogue but is it just talk?

I can’t help but notice a lot of folks are talking about meditation these days.

In the Twitterverse, for example, I read a Daily Health Tip that said 20 minutes a day of meditation can help your physical health. Sounds great. Folks tweeted and retweeted it. And I just wondered… do they actually do it?

I’m not trying to sounds all hooty-tooty-spiritual-guruie, because I’m no such thing. I just try to meditate a bit and try to pray most days and I’ve found it’s really EFFin hard. Few things I do regularly that I suck at this much, so I’m just wondering do all these folks who talk the meditation game actually meditate?

I read a while back that Deepak Chopra meditates for two hours every morning. TWO EFFin HOURS?! My mind was completely shot into orbit. Everyday?

I wanted to toss down my dollar bill and yell, “BULLSHIT! I CALL bullshit!”

But then I thought about it, and if a guy that prominent says he does it, I assume he has a whole gob of people waiting in the wings to tear his ass down. Isn’t that pretty much how it works. Those “tell alls” pay and the posse gotta get get paid, even the posse of a spiritual, positive guy like Deepak I assume. So if he isn’t doing it, I suspect someone would have outed him by now.

Two hours… man, that’s some serious hang time.

I’ve developed a fairly routine meditation and prayer practice. I rarely top 20 minutes. In fact, about a year into it, I became sort of disgusted with what a wimp I was and decided to track my meditation time in a totally non-Zen, very Western-goal-driven-I-gotta-whop-this-ass kinda way. I kept track of both how many minutes I meditated and an overall grade of the quality.

My journal filled with things like this:

“Meditation time: 12 minutes. Actual quality time free of thoughts: 17 seconds…. Well, shit.”

Or this:

“14 ragged ass minutes of mediation today.”

You get the point. Like I said, I’m not very hooty tooty guruie about this stuff. I just want to try to practice it and hopefully get a bit better.

Maybe its just me but it seems meditating is more like watching a two-year-old than blissing out with a higher power. Moment by moment I’m constantly chasing my mind around, ripping its fingers out of light sockets and taking away the scissors. Day by day, the more I think I’m moving toward Deepak Hang Time, I realize those 14 ragged ass minutes look pretty good after all.

But here’s the rub: As you can see I’m already hard enough on myself about something that’s supposed to be basically judgement free. So then, with a really backass mindset I go read about all these meditation benefits and how everyone is doing it, doing it, and… well… let’s be honest here… it pisses me off. Like, what the hell am I doing wrong?

Of course, I know better. It’s not a race. My practice is mine, not yours and it doesn’t really matter if you’re Kung Fu Woman and I’m Kung Fu Panda. Still… sigh…

Anyway, chime in here if you want. Tell me your stories. Don’t be shy. Tell me how you meditate for 90 minutes and see only clouds in your mind. I’m game. I love the abuse (no, really, I’d love to learn more, hear more… seriously… those aren’t fingers crossed behind my back at all… scouts honor) and would love to hear your experience.

I’m off to sit a while alone with my thoughts and … try not to stab the scissors of my mind into a light socket.

Oh yeah… namaste.

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